One For Katie……..

It’s hard to believe but summer is over and we’ve returned to town.     I feel rejuvenated .

Traces of my gardening, weasel hunting, mouse slaying, sun-bathing summer life can still be seen in my mane.     In fact I look a trifle jungly all over at the moment so the slave has made an appointment for me at Pampered Pets on Thursday.     I’ll be massaged, shampooed, air dried, fur fluffed and claw trimmed.     Then I’ll be ready to face the rigours of 2012.

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Big Black Cats……….

Just what is it with big black cats?     Marauding night hunters, wild, dangerous, responsible for the disappearance of family pets and highly skilled at evading cameras.  People see them everywhere and there are reports of sightings in many countries but little compelling photographic evidence.

The most recent BCE  (Black Cat  Event) in Wales has the police out on the moors with hunting rifles and the big cats are said to be descendants of circus animals that were released in the 1970s.    Big cats don’t breed as prolifically as rabbits or rats but after 40 years I’d have expected them to be spotted on a regular basis not just from time to time, or when the media is running short of sensational news……

I, of course, have another theory.     Humans are afraid of the dark and associate blackness with bad news or evil happenings.  This is as old as time  and stems from the fact that Homo Stupidus can’t see in the dark and therefore are frightened by it.

The  Jungian theory of the  Collective Unconscious  supports my argument and that is why these black cat sightings occur in so many places.       All humans have a deep seated fear of ferocious animals.   Humans have a deep seated fear of the unknown and of the dark and blackness.    Therefore, humans are afraid of Big Black Cats.

It couldn’t be simpler.    If humans were more like cats and could see in the dark, Big Black Cat Events would probably cease.

What do you think, am I miaowing up the wrong tree?

Unpleasant Diseases…….

Humans are at it again with their wanton speciesism……..and a plague on them I say.

In the far north of New Zealand there are plans to release ‘wobbly possum’ disease into the local possum population.   Apparently the disease upsets the animals’ balance mechanisms and they can’t walk straight or stand upright any longer.    I guess that means they can’t move round to find a mate and so their numbers will steadily decline until they die out completely.    Removing possums from New Zealand would be a boon as they dine on vast swathes of  canopy, killing the trees and destroying 2000 year old forest.

However, let those humans start with wobbly possum disease and who knows where it will end……..Wobbly rat disease?…wobbly weasel disease?……wobbly stoat disease?…..wobbly ferret disease?….wobbly dog disease? (now that’s a good idea)……or even, Great Cat forbid, wobbly cat disease!

Really those humans are too clever for their own good.    By all the Laws of Mother Nature and in the interests of justice and equity, they deserve to be struck down by wobbly human disease.     I can think of a few whom I’d be happy to see afflicted by it….

The Siren Call of Patriotism……..

I’ve just been listening to an earnest lady Professor from an Australian university talking about some research on the personal characteristics of people who fly national flags on their cars.

She found that men who fly flags are more likely to be rascist and therefore more likely to be anti immigration.

Having just endured a Rugby World Cup Tournament where people wore and flew flags of an astonishing array of nations,  shops and streets sported bunting showing flags of every competing nation while the men with national car flags came in every hue from blondest white to deepest brown I suspect her research may be a tad simplistic.

Members of the EDL are only the latest in a long line of people demonstrating national solidarity with the flag.   After all Flag display used to be common practice,  widely accepted and not worthy of further comment. Is she confusing racism with a fashion?    Could flying your national flag on your car show something else?

The lady Professor didn’t tell us how many of the beflagged cars also had what my slave calls ‘genitalia’ i.e. strings of beads/outsize fluffy dice/miniature teddies/lucky charms/whatever hanging from the rear vision mirror or strung across the back window…… Like these I think flags on cars are social class indicators and surely it’s always been those at the bottom of the heap who are most threatened by newcomers……

Admittedly one doesn’t see as much genitalia as one did a few years ago but the sun has come out so it’s time to go away and rest and think  bit more.

 

 

The Rat and the Potting Shed……..

Yesterday the slave went gardening (  a long overdue effort)………..

She opened the door of the Potting Shed

Which as you can see has been locked and spider encased for some time…….Inside she found….

…. and the creature responsible for all those droppings. She squealed. She rushed out and snatched me from my slumber on top of the comfortingly warm stone wall, threw me into the shed and shut the door. I searched, truly I did, but Mr Rattus was not to be seen.

I wasn’t released from that smelly shed for at least half an hour and when I emerged ratless I was described as “an over-sized and useless piece of fluff”…..”whose gut is bigger than his brain”……

I wouldn’t parade  all my grubby laundry in front of you but I have to tell the world that in the end I was vindicated – not that those wretches apologised to me for their verbal abuse.

The plumber and his dog were at the house so the dog, a foxy/Jack Russell X was press-ganged into service.   Fearful lest he succeed where I had failed, I watched nervously from high on the stone wall while he sniffed around excitedly wagging his stumpy little tail but he couldn’t find the rat either. What a relief.

Th thing that really worries me is that while the slave still leaves sachets of poison out for the local rats  she no longer witters on about being concerned that I might eat them……. I wonder why.

Return of Toi Moko is Enhancing Cultural Ignorance…….

Te Papa, the National Museum of New Zealand is 4 years away from the end of a 10 year plan to seek out and repatriate toi moko or tatooed Maori heads.

It’s just a thought….but…     It seems to me that if all the shrunken heads are returned from museums all around the world, people in those foreign countries will be deprived of the chance to learn about Maori culture.    What a shame.

The story gets worse because if I heard correctly it is planned to extend the ten year programme so more toi moko can be repatriated.     If the search teams find and repatriate them all (I wonder how long that will take) the wider world will be deprived forever of the opportunity to learn about this practice and see these fascinating artefacts.