Yesterday, balanced on top of a hay bale on a wheelbarrow, I rode out to help feed the heifers.
Those ill-bred cattle all talk with their mouths full and here is what they said:
Cow One – ‘There’s a funny little white creature on top of our food.’
Cow Two – ‘Oh that’s our jailer’s household god.’
Cow One – ‘How do you know?’
Cow Three- ‘Didn’t you hear the man? He said “Where’s your orb and crown, little master?”
Cow One – ‘A god! Looks like a large white puffball to me.’
You can imagine my reaction. First of all I’m denigrated as ‘funny little creature’, then I’m elevated to godhod (my true status), then reduced to mere royalty before being cast down the social scale again. Trust those silly heifers to be confused as to the real state of affairs.
I was closer to the man, aka Duvet Denier, and I know what he actually said. Nothing as elevated as orbs and crowns. His real words were ” Here, you’re off and down, you little bastard,” as he tipped the hay bale and me onto the ground.
Well honestly. I’d have walked off in a great huff if the heifer field hadn’t been so full of great piles of you know what. Since I didn’t want to step in it I jumped back into the barrow so he would have to wheel me back to the house.
My fantasy of being a conquering hero in a chariot was ruined by the way he tipped and tilted the barrow all the way back and I had to spend the rest of the morning grooming myself in the sun in order to feel better.
Looking on the bright side I’m happy to say that the heifers have gone to the works – well after all they were only barbecue on the hoof – so their grazing ground will now become a hay meadow. That’s Good News because it will fill with field mice and I’ll have fun this coming summer.